Thursday, November 21, 2013

Baby, It's Cold Outside (Warning: You can never unread what you've read—don't read if you love this song)

I love Christmas carols, I truly do, but there are so many of them that have these very perverse, or, at the least, very strange concepts.

I couldn't find a finished version of one of the classic renditions, but here's the Elf soundtrack version:


Anyone else get a creepy date-rape vibe from this song?

The entire song is about the guy overcoming the girl's reluctance to stay later.

You might be saying, "Well, she doesn't say no. She's just offering a token resistance."

But she does say no. Very definitively. She says, "The answer is no."

She finally gives in to another drink, AND HE SPIKES IT.

With what? A roofie? More alcohol than expected at the least. And from that point on, she becomes a little more receptive to his advances.

This is NUTS!

The entire time he's finding excuses to touch her or disrobe her. "I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice ... I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell ... Mind if I move in closer?"

She still holds out, saying all the reasons she needs to go and what does he do? He starts admiring her physical attributes, continually trying to change the subject. When that doesn't work, he starts trying to guilt-trip her saying that she would hurt his pride if she doesn't stay. "What's the sense in hurting my pride? ... How can you do this to me? ... Baby, don't hold out."

OH MY GOD.

Some of the modern versions of this remove the bit about having another cigarette, ostensibly because of the tobacco reference, but they inadvertently remove some of the creepiest parts where he is just completely ignoring everything she says as he becomes enraptured with her "delicious-looking lips".

So let's summarize.
  • Girl wants to go home.
  • Guy doesn't want her to leave, so implies it's too cold to go (note the difference between "Let It Snow" and this song by the way).
  • Girl insists that she goes home.
  • Guy is physically demanding, finding excuses to touch her and remove clothing that she needs to wear to go home.
  • Girl offers to stay for just a little bit longer (ostensibly because she's doing the "girl thing" of giving in without giving in. Note: this is a bad thing to do).
  • Guy spikes her drink and continually changes the subject from her leaving.
  • Girl continues to insist that she goes home and tell guy that the answer is NO.
  • Guy doesn't even listen to what she's saying.
  • Guy continues to try to insinuate himself with her.
  • When this doesn't work, he starts guilt-tripping her and implying his ardor is her fault and she needs to do something about it. 
  • Eventually, he's just so caught up with her physical attributes that we know she's never going to make it home alive or without giving it up. 
In theory, it's a fun song to sing though. Thoughts?

I'll probably make this a series of rants, err...blogs about Christmas Carols. Tune in next time!

Oh, and here are the complete lyrics from metrolyrics.com for Louis Armstrong's rendition:
I really can't stay
(But baby, it's cold outside)
I've got to go away
(But baby, it's cold outside)

This evening has been
(Been hoping that you'd drop in)
So very nice
(I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice)

My mother will start to worry
(Beautiful, what's your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor
(Listen to the fireplace roar)

So really I'd better scurry
(Beautiful, please don't hurry)
But maybe just a half a drink more
(Put some records on while I pour)

The neighbors might think
(Baby, it's bad out there)
Say, what's in this drink?
(No cabs to be had out there)

I wish I knew how
(Your eyes are like starlight)
To break this spell
(I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

I ought to say no, no, no, sir
(Mind if I move in closer?)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried
(What's the sense in hurting my pride?)

I really can't stay
(Baby, don't hold out)
Oh, but it's cold outside

I simply must go
(But baby, it's cold outside)
The answer is no
(But baby, it's cold outside)

This welcome has been
(How lucky that you dropped in)
So nice and warm
(Look out the window at that storm)

My sister will be suspicious
(Gosh, your lips look delicious
My brother will be there at the door
(Waves upon a tropical shore)

My maiden aunt's mind is vicious
(Ooh, your lips are delicious)
But maybe just a cigarette more
(Never such a blizzard before)

I've got to get home
(But baby, you'll freeze out there)
Say, lend me your coat
(It's up to your knees out there)

You've really been grand
(I thrill when you touch my hand)
But don't you see
(How can you do this thing to me?)

There's bound to be talk tomorrow
(Think of my life long sorrow)
At least there will be plenty implied
(If you caught pneumonia and died)

I really can't stay
(Get over that hold out)
Oh, but it's cold outside

Louis Armstrong - Baby, It's Cold Outside Lyrics | MetroLyrics