Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Stay away from ValuTime Coffee

Just in case anyone was at all curious, valu-time coffee is in no way an acceptable substitute for ANY type of coffee. It doesn't even taste like coffee. It doesn't even smell like coffee.

I'm not going to say it was terrible, because Satan is terrible, but it's right up there near that level, or maybe I should say down there. It's terrible-lite. Maybe not Satan terrible, but perhaps a Mephistopheles level of terrible-ness.

It's just bad, and not in a secretly awesome way. I mean tattoos are "bad" but that just means cool. Valu-time coffee is hot, but not in a sexually attracted to way, just in the temperature sense.

I suppose it probably has caffeine, so if you're in an end-of-the-world, post-apocalypse, there-are-no-more-coffee-plants-in-existence kind of situation, then I would recommend training yourself to function without caffeine because there is no reason why you should be drinking this.